Some Sad Thoughts That Flash Through Your Mind After Breakup
That feeling. That feeling where you feel your rib cage closing in on you, and you feel that delicate thing called your heart suffering the most among other organs, as the already limited space becomes more and more…………limited?
You grit your teeth as you squeeze harder on your phone. You can’t believe what’s happening, you definitely didn’t count today as the day you lose the only relationship that has ever made you feel…..well, this way, a heavily balanced love.
You wince hard, grind your teeth and clutch your fists as a way to overcome the urge to cry. Your teeth threatening to disintegrate under the enormous pressure of your own jaw, you that can’t even crush chicken bone at the dining.
You squeeze your eyes shut as you remember the shut eye kisses that you two shared. You crawl slowly, into a fetal position as the contents of your belly tie themselves into a painful knot.
You remember the times, the very cheap dates, the times you just decided impromptu to go see your lover with nothing in your pocket but your go come transport. Sometimes it would be short of 50 bucks or even as much as 200, then you decide what parts of the journey you would trek. Na broke you broke, you nor kee person.
All you need, is to be half sure that you would make it there and back.
You’re not even thinking about what or how you’d eat when you get back.
You remember the times spent in not so private corners of public places and the stolen kisses. The ones you knew people saw, but you chose to deceive yourselves that no one did. Truth is, you just didn’t care who saw. All you wanted was to let her understand the things words can’t express.
Oh, young love!
You’d remember the times you’d do the miles in transport and showed up at her place without calling, no, not to see if she’s cheating, but just to meet them looking totally unprepared to see you; no make up, in her undies, with so much oil on her face and embarrassment as she runs like a headless turkey not knowing whether to try to welcome you and make you feel comfortable, or to fix up her place and cover up some of her shame or whatever she thinks of it.
She ends up just hugging you, plus a deep kiss that says, thanks for the surprise, even tho you know she hates surprises.
You remember, oh
You remember as you grab and clutch hard on your shirt, close to your chest as the thoughts of the pictures of your future family flashes across your tightly shut eyes and crash loudly to the floor. You can swear the neighbours would come banging to ask if you’re okay, you’re sure they can hear those loud crashes.
But you also know it’s just in your head.
You whince again in grave pain as you whisper a barely audible “please” into the microphone of your phone, she’s still on the other side of the line, most certainly going through something worse than what you are right now.
Even if you’re not sure of anything, you’re sure she loves you to smithereens.
But she’s definitely her fathers daughter, and that’s a compliment, logic before emotions or sentiments.
At least she was the one strong enough to face the truth that this would not work, not with the present realities that face you two.
Every other part of your relationship was solid, except this one small part. You kept avoiding it, hoping to find a way before it gets too bad. But somehow circumstances beat you to it.
You finally let out a single tear. You drop the phone, and wake up to drenched pillow.
It was just one tear, you could swear.
It was not a nightmare, though you wished it was.
Your relationship was really gone, and there was near nothing you could have done about it.
You go to the unshaken love of your life, the one who’d rather tell you how you look like a street dog with your afro punk hairstyle than tell you she loves you. Your mum.
“Why do you have bloodshot eyes this early morning?”
You eye her, and she offers you her glass of morning smoothie. She forgives the eyeing cause she knows exactly what happened, she’s your mum anyways.
You’ve never heard her say “I love you”, not once in u it life, but you feel it everyday.
Her, looking at you over her glasses as you disappear into your room with her smoothie.
By: Chima Ochookwu